Andy Weir Quotes

Andrew Taylor Weir

Andy Weir is an American novelist and former computer programmer. His 2011 novel The Martian was adapted into the 2015 film of the same name directed by Ridley Scott. (Andy Weir Quotes)

“A clumsy, awkward success is still a success.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“All religions are right in their own way.”
Andy Weir

“Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“And if you want to make babies, somebody’s got to get fucked.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“Another day, another staff meeting. Who would have thought saving the world could be so boring?”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Any planet that has life will have it everywhere. That’s my theory, at least. Evolution is extremely good at filling every nook in the ecosystem. ”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“As usual, I’m working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Astronauts are brave people, willing to risk their life for science. Many of them are willing to give their life for humanity. I admire them.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Broadly speaking, the human brain is a collection of software hacks compiled into a single, somehow-functional unit. Each “feature” was added as a random mutation that solved some specific problem to increase our odds of survival. In short, the human brain is a mess. Everything about evolution is messy.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it’s true.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“By my reckoning, I’m about 100 kilometers from Pathfinder. Technically it’s called “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Discrepancy is science. You think about discrepancy. Make theory. You is science human.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Do you believe in God? I know it’s a personal question. I do. And I think He was pretty awesome to make relativity a thing, don’t you? The faster you go, the less time you experience. It’s like He’s inviting us to explore the universe, you know?”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies.”
Andy Weir

“Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshipped.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Every time you victimized someone,’ I said, ‘you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
Andy Weir

“Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Five a.m. was a largely theoretical concept to me. I knew it existed, but I rarely observed it.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“Good. Proud. I am scary space monster. You are leaky space blob.” He points to the breeder tanks. “Check tanks!”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Grumpy. Angry. Stupid. How long since last sleep, question?”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“How dare you call me lazy? I’d come up with a scathing retort but, meh, I’m just not motivated.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“I can’t wait till I have grandchildren. When I was younger, I had to walk to the rim of a crater. Uphill! In an EVA suit! On Mars, ya little shit! Ya hear me? Mars!”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I didn’t want to distract the people who were saving my life, so I muted my mic and screamed like a little girl. It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.” (Andy Weir Quotes)
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I guess you could call it a “failure”, but I prefer the term “learning experience”.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I might have been on the run for my life, but I wasn’t willing to go without e-mail.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“I need to ask myself, ‘What would an Apollo astronaut do?’ He’d drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I’m doing a lot of things for the first time in human history out here and there’s a lot of stuff that needs naming. Just be glad I don’t name stuff after myself.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“I’m lucky to be alive. There’s no other way to put it. Anything I do beyond that moment is a gift from the universe to me.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“I’m pretty much fucked. That’s my considered opinion. Fucked.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“If a hiker gets lost in the mountains, people will coordinate a search. If a train crashes, people will line up to give blood. If an earthquake levels a city, people all over the world will send emergency supplies. This is so fundamentally human that it’s found in every culture without exception. Yes, there are assholes who just don’t care, but they’re massively outnumbered by the people who do.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“If I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things. Well… I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“If my neighborhood were wine, connoisseurs would describe it as “shitty, with overtones of failure and poor life decisions.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So yeah. I’m fucked.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“I’m traveling 90 kilometers per day as usual, but I only get 37 kilometers closer to Schiaparelli because Pythagoras is a dick.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“It’s a simple idea, but also stupid. Thing is, when stupid ideas work, they become genius ideas. We’ll see which way this one falls.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“It’s a simple idiot-proofing scheme that’s very effective. But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“It’s a weird feeling, scientific breakthroughs. There’s no Eureka moment. Just a slow, steady progression toward a goal. But man, when you get to that goal it feels good.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“It’s all part of the life-cycle of an economy. First it’s lawless capitalism until that starts to impede growth. Next comes regulation, law enforcement, and taxes. After that: public benefits and entitlements. Then, finally, overexpenditure and collapse.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“It’s important to vary your profanities. If you use the same one too often it loses strength.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with a wacky new roommate.” It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Kids are smarter than most people think. And they can tell when a teacher actually cares about them as opposed to when they’re just going through the motions.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Language is kind of an exponential system. The more words you know, the easier it is to describe new ones.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Light is a funny thing. Its wavelength defines what it can and can’t interact with. Anything smaller than the wavelength is functionally nonexistent to that photon. That’s why there’s a mesh over the window of a microwave. The holes in the mesh are too small for microwaves to pass through. But visible light, with a much shorter wavelength, can go through freely. So you get to watch your food cook without melting your face off.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Math is not thinking. Math is procedure. Memory is not thinking. Memory is storage. Thinking is thinking. Problem, solution.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“No one ever talks about the really hard parts of first contact with intelligent alien life: pronouns. I’m going to go with “he” for now, because it just seems rude to call a thinking being “it.” (Andy Weir Quotes)
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Normally if you asked a space agency to send a probe to Venus in under a year, they’d laugh in your face. But it’s amazing what you can do with an unlimited budget.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“On a scale from one to ‘invade Russia in winter,’ how stupid is this plan?”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“Once again I’m struck by melancholy. I want to spend the rest of my life studying Eridian biology! But I have to save humanity first. Stupid humanity. Getting in the way of my hobbies.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Once I got home, I sulked for a while. All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy!”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.’ ‘So the whole universe,’ you said, ‘it’s just…’ ‘An egg.’ I answered. ‘Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

“People always assumed our first contact with alien life – if any existed – would be little green men in UFOs. We never considered the idea of a simple, unintelligent species.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“People nowadays… they have no idea how good they have it. The past was unrelenting misery for most people. And the further back in time you go, the worse it was.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“People will trust a reliable criminal more readily than a shady businessman.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won’t stay inside anymore.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Say what you will about the Russians, they know how to keep a secret.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Sometimes, the stuff we all hate ends up being the only way to do things.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“That’s pretty much a rule in electronics: You never get diodes right on the first try.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“That’s the thing about crying yourself to sleep. When you wake up, the problems are still there.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“The city shined in the sunlight like a bunch of metallic boobs. What? I’m not a poet. They look like boobs.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“The moon’s a mean old bitch. She doesn’t care why your suit fails. She just kills you when it does.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“The worst moments in life are heralded by small observations.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“There are a bunch of things I want to do, but I need to take it slow. I can’t risk another “stupid day” like yesterday. I’m smart enough now to know I’m stupid. That’s progress.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“There is no “stationary” in a solar system. You’re always moving around something.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“There was something weird about being on the moon and fighting for your life with a stick and some fire.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“There’s no more powerful tool for safety than communication.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“They say no plan survives first contact with implementation. I’d have to agree.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“They’re not much different from kitchen trash bags, though I’m sure they cost $50,000 because of NASA.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Thing is, nothing affects gravity. You can’t increase or decrease it. Earth’s gravity is 9.8 meters per second per second. Period. And I’m experiencing more than that. There’s only one possible explanation. I’m not on Earth.” (Andy Weir Quotes)
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Things didn’t go exactly as planned, but I’m not dead, so it’s a win.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Very few people get a chance to quantify how much their father loves them. But I did. The job should have taken forty-five minutes, but Dad spent three and a half hours on it. My father loves me 366 percent more than he loves anything else. Good to know.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“Water boils at 61 degrees Celsius here, so that’s as hot as tea or coffee can be. Apparently it’s disgustingly cold to people who aren’t used to it.”
Andy Weir
Artemis

“We all have to make sacrifices. If I have to be the world’s whipping boy to secure our salvation, then that’s my sacrifice to make.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“We’re as smart as evolution made us. So we’re the minimum intelligence needed to ensure we can dominate our planets.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“What’s the point of even having a world if you’re not going to pass it on to the next generation?”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“When the alternative is death to your entire species, things are very easy. No moral dilemmas, no weighing what’s best for whom.”
Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary

“Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“You have within you all the knowledge and experience of all you past lives. You just don’t remember them right now. Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, gigantic than you can possible imagine. You haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. Every time you victimize someone you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you have done you done to yourself. Every happy or sad moment ever experienced by any human was or will be experienced by you.”
Andy Weir

“You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
Andy Weir

“You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”
Andy Weir
The Martian

“Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.”
Andy Weir